Hi there! My name is Ella, and I’m an author and digital strategist from Connecticut. I also live with genital HSV-1 in May 2013. In my work as an activist and as a writer, I explore the social stigma of STIs and how our sexual health is shaped by politics, culture and shame.
My work has been recognized and recommended by countless sex educators, school teachers, medical care professionals and therapists. In 2016, I even received a letter from Hillary Clinton. I’ve appeared on MTV’s Girl Code, HuffPost Live, and the What’s Underneath Project. You can also listen to me on the Savage Lovecast with Dan Savage, and on Just Between Us with Gaby Dunn and Allison Raskin.
While herpes is no longer the center of my work, it is a part of my life and my worldview. I still write about HSV on my blog from time to time, and it comes up often on my Instagram @brosandprose. You can also find herpes-related rants on my Twitter, also @brosandprose.
Watch my TEDx talk about herpes stigma:
Essays on my blog:
So you’ve just been diagnosed with herpes. Start here! I cover all the basics in this post: what you need to know, who you need to tell, how to protect your partners, where to find community, and the pep talk you definitely need right this minute.
How Do I Tell Someone I Have Herpes? Practical advice to read before you have That Conversation.
Should I Date Someone With Herpes? I answered the question that brings people to my website most often.
My characters care about safe sex because I have to. This was the first time I put in print that I have herpes. This essay was my take on a debate about whether or not characters in erotica should have to use condoms.
What happened after I told the Internet I had herpes. This is how everyone I knew reacted to me going public, from my parents to my exes.
The conversation that never happened: On herpes and abusive relationships. How I got diagnosed. We need to talk about emotional abuse and STIs.
How I lost my post-herpes virginity. Having sex with someone new after getting diagnosed for the first time is scary! This is how it went for me.
Herpes two years later: On sex without condoms. Shockingly, I don’t always use condoms now. This essay is about why (and how).
Why I celebrate the day I was diagnosed with herpes. Self-explanatory.
Should you publicly disclose your herpes diagnosis? Herpes+ sexologist Emily Depasse and I talked about how public disclosure has impacted our personal and professional lives, and how to decide if it’s right for you.
How I became internet-famous for having herpes — and why I’m retiring. In 2017, I decided to take a step back from herpes activism to focus on other work and on my mental health.
Why I will never support herpes or STI dating sites. Please stop emailing me and asking me to endorse your dating site!!
To the teenage girls who have herpes. This world tells teen girls they’re worthless. Don’t listen.
Why should I date someone with herpes? I wrote the rant that everyone with herpes needs to read from time to time.
Why I don’t call herpes a “gift.” The STI community needs more language to describe our experiences, but this is slang I can’t get behind.
The badass women of TED. What happens when you have a herpes outbreak at a TED conference.
A lesson in herpes stigma, via Facebook comments. Because BuzzFeed’s readers are pretty terrible people.
Dear Internet commenters who really don’t want herpes. Sometimes you gotta talk back to the trolls.
Why I don’t call herpes a “gift.” The herpes community doesn’t have great language to capture our experiences yet.
- That wrestler I dated. This long conversation wound up being intense and personal. My ex and I talked about what makes sex unsafe, and if he worried about contracting herpes from me.
- The ex I had to call. Getting diagnosed meant calling my old high school sweetheart to ask him to get tested. It was terrifying. This conversation is about how we remember that phone call.
- The best friend. My college roommate had a front row seat to my diagnosis… and to the abusive relationship I was in at the time. She and I gabbed about that, as well as Vulvar Vestibulitis and why adults should talk about sex before having it.
- The guy from the bar. I met a really nice dude at a bar like it’s 2004 or something! I told him I had herpes that night, we had sex the next night, and we’re still having sex now. Hurrah.
For Women’s Health:
On herpes journalism:
TIME Magazine ruined herpes journalism. Here’s how to fix it. My site editor Gabe Rosenberg and I read that 1982 cover story about herpes and it was goddamn awful. We dissected it and thought about what good herpes journalism would look like.
Why having a boyfriend doesn’t cure herpes. Please, please, please stop publishing essays about how you finally found someone who would love you despite your herpes diagnosis. There are other ways to heal, and there are better ways to challenge stigma.
5 rules for better herpes journalism. Because seriously, can we stop telling the same tear-jerking bullshit inspirational story? Oh my GOD.
Headlines on the herpes WHO report: RANKED. The World Health Organization discovered 2 out of 3 people have herpes. The Internet lost its mind.
I am not “suffering” from herpes. STOP DESCRIBING PEOPLE WITH HERPES AS “SUFFERERS.” OH MY GOD.
Why we need clicky, accessible herpes writing too. Some thoughts on writing about herpes for a mainstream audience, including poppy listicles.